The Cambridge dictionary defines “closure” in several instances. For example, in business it is when the business ceases to operate and we experience the loss of a favorite place to shop or have a meal. Whereas when dealing with emotions, it is often defined as “the feeling or act of bringing an unpleasant situation, time, or experience to an end so that you are able to start new activities” or “the feeling or act of bringing something bad to an end.” But what about the loss of a loved one, friend, or colleague? Hopefully, that most definitely would not be defined as bringing something bad to an end.
As the Deputy Chief Forensic Dental Consultant to the Office of Chief Medical Examiner, City of New York for over 45 years, I have dealt with death in many instances such as natural causes, violent crimes, and multiple fatality incidents, such as the World Trade Center tragedy. In my role, I have had the satisfaction of making an identification that allows the family and friends of the decedent the opportunity to have a sense of confirmation and knowing it was their family member or friend. This can be interpreted as closure. It is in this application that I take exception to the definition. When it comes to the death of a loved one, can there ever really be such a thing as closure? Does one cease to remember them once they have passed?
Most religions, and even atheists, seem to focus on the spirit of the decedent. They espouse that while the physical body may remain, their spirit leaves them at the time of death and transcends into the heavens. So, I beg the question of closure. Yes, there is closure of their physical being but not of their spirit. I prefer to think of those close to me who have passed and continue to love as a “living memory.”
I have lost several cherished individuals over the years including grandparents, parents, other family members, and friends. I still “see them” in my mind and in my actions. Their mortal souls are gone but not their love, teachings and memories, so that our relationship is not “closed.” Perhaps a better way to look at the loss of an individual whom you hold dearly is that it is the end of a physical relationship and the beginning of a more spiritual one that provides for an inner peace.
It is my fervent hope that we never lose someone close to us, but of course that is not reality. Life goes on and we must recognize that everyone handles that reality in their own unique way. Closure in this sense may mean that we have accepted the finality of grieving, and their memories will carry you forward in the next chapter(s) of your life. Solace lies in dwelling on the good times rather than the sad times and thereby creating an ongoing living memory.
About the author
Dr. Glazer is a Fellow and Past President of the Academy of General Dentistry and a former Assistant Clinical Professor in Dentistry at the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, NY. Most recently, he received the Irwin Smigel Prize in Aesthetic Dentistry, presented by the New York University College of Dentistry for “Distinguished Achievement in the Art and Science of Aesthetic Dentistry.” He lectures throughout the United States, Canada, and overseas on dental materials, cosmetic dentistry, forensic dentistry and patient management. He maintains a general practice in Fort Lee, NJ, and is the Deputy Chief Forensic Dental Consultant to the Office of Chief Medical Examiner, City of New York.